We all give our best in parenting. We learn, we try, we fall... but we never give up.
After all, they are our children...
Yet, at times, parents feel that their physical, emotional, or spiritual limitations hinder their ability to raise and nurture their children properly. In fact, some parents may not even be around (figuratively, or G-d forbid, literally) to be a continued, hands-on partner in their child’s Chinuch…
After all, they are our children...
Yet, at times, parents feel that their physical, emotional, or spiritual limitations hinder their ability to raise and nurture their children properly. In fact, some parents may not even be around (figuratively, or G-d forbid, literally) to be a continued, hands-on partner in their child’s Chinuch…
Are these children then doomed to fail? Do these children lose out? Will these children become “damaged”?
הוא הי' אומר: לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא אתה בן חורין להיבטל ממנה (אבות, ב:טז)
Hashem provides each and every one of His creations with everything they need in order to fulfill their Tafkid: support, nurture, physical and spiritual abilities, etc. As such, Hashem chooses when and which families to bless with which Neshamos, matching each Neshama with the specific time and family - warts and all - that will best enable it to fulfill its unique Tafkid.
Therefore, since a Yid continuously strives to improve in his Avodas Hashem, we as parents must continuously strive to improve our parenting skills… Yet, we must also remember not to be discouraged because of our present shortcomings or mistakes in parenting. Everything is Behashgacha Protis and tailored to contribute to each Neshama’s life experience and fulfilling its Tafkid.
Whenever I see a parent doing something I would consider wrong or dysfunctional (sometimes even myself, after the fact), I tell myself: “The parent is doing the best he can with the tools Hashem has given him.” And it’s true. For if it was necessary for that Neshama’s Tafkid to have a different kind of experience, Hashem would have surely arranged it to be that way.
This is not a Carte Blanche to be reckless or lazy, and it certainly does not absolve us from giving it our best and trying to do even better; it does however give us the clarity to see our Tafkid and contribution to these Neshamos in the proper light. It allows us to continue our quest to better our Avodas Hashem and parent with Simcha, Emunah and Bitachon.
As well, we remember that the three partners in bringing children into this world - Father, Mother and Hashem – remain partners throughout raising them as well. Therefore, we make sure that our approach in Chinuch is completely in line with Torah, the directives of our Third Partner. Secondly, whenever the Yetzer Hara tries to discourage us and convince us that despite our best efforts we have failed our children, we remember that when we do our best, our Third Partner does the rest.
After all, they are His children.
Let us pray that He does it, בטוב הנראה והנגלה.
Inspired by Parenting for All Ages by Rabbi Manis Friedman and Rabbi Shais Taub.
To read about how we can grow from our children's chutzpah, click here.
Inspired by Parenting for All Ages by Rabbi Manis Friedman and Rabbi Shais Taub.
To read about how we can grow from our children's chutzpah, click here.
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