Let's Move!

Identifying the difference between Me, Myself, and My Yetzer Hara, was really helpful in so many ways. And yet, recently I discovered a new maneuver of the Yetzer Hara. It's the one that shows up as procrastination and paralysis.

I drop the kids off at school, go food shopping, and come home. It’s now time for the baby’s nap. So I put her to sleep and I am faced with a two-hour window of time...

Now I start a mental debate with myself. Should I daven now, or should I take a nap? After all, I am really tired today… But if I take a nap, I will wake up two hours later, and having accomplished nothing… Well at least I’ll wake up rejuvenated and then I’ll have more energy, so I may get more done later...

And so my thoughts jump back and forth, and then wander off to… "Let me just check my email for a minute. Oh, I’ll just answer this email… But, I should really go to sleep or at least daven…  But, I don’t know which is a better use of my time, so I may as well just respond to this email… and check out this promo from Kohl's… and… And? The two hours pass, and I didn't sleep, I didn't daven… and I’m left with two-hours’ worth of guilt about the time I wasted. 

Boruch Hashem, I now recognize this as a trick from the Yetzer Hara. If he can get me to postpone that which I should be doing, long enough so that I don't end up doing anything productive, then he wins. And on top of that, he won by getting me to be overcome with guilt and frustration. Which, in turn, leads to even more unproductivity.

Another form of this trick takes the form of paralysis. Say, my friend and I have a disagreement, and she hangs up the phone angry at me. I am then angry at her, "How could she say that!?" And so on. Now, if I wasn't angry, I would probably be tidying up the house, washing dishes, saying the my Tehillim, and guiding my children through their evening routine. But, now I am angry, I feel paralyzed. I sit on the couch simmering and ruminating on how wrong my friend was. My body feels like lead, and everything seems bleak and dark. I simply can’t move…. Or so I think.

The real truth is that I can move just fine, Boruch Hashem. But the Yetzer Hara has temporarily convinced me that I cannot move and that life will never be beautiful again, G-d forbid. And he has also convinced me, that I cannot move on with my day, until I resolve this nasty issue. I must call her back and set her straight, etc. Or I must journal about this until my feelings are in order, and so on. And in the meantime, the disarray in the house grows, and the children’s bedtime is getting later and later, all because of my perceived paralysis.

Once again, the Yetzer Hara has won. Because after the dust settles and I do finally realize that I can get up and move, I am left with a deep sense of guilt for the time I wasted as an unmoving, angry blob on the couch.

So what’s the solution?

Just don’t stop.

In the scenario that involved procrastinating until I figured out the “best” use of my time, I need to remind myself that I don’t have to be making The Most Perfect Choice. I just have to do something. If I choose to daven, instead of taking a nap, that will become the choice that Hashem wanted for me. If I choose to nap, then that will become the most perfect choice. Just do something. Don’t stop.

In the scenario that involved perceived paralysis, I need to remind myself that feeling of paralysis is just a trick of the Yetzer Hara, and that yes, I can physically move, and no, I don’t need to resolve this right now. I need to tell myself, "Get off of the couch and move your body towards the kitchen sink, pick up the plate and start washing it." Or, "Take yourself to the kids’ room and read them a story so they can go to sleep as they should." Yes, I am mobile, thank G-d, and I can do it, even though I think I can’t.  

The common denominator is Movement. Just don’t stop. Because as long as he can delay us or paralyze us, the Yetzer Hara wins on many fronts. As long as we move, we win on all fronts.

And we can win, because Hashem said so.

Let’s move!

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